You have low self-esteem.

If your parents: • Compared to mother's friend's daughter. There was always someone better to look up to. • They devalued: “Here I was already (a) at your age ...!”, “Four is not an assessment”, “Enough nonsense, she draws, she dances, it’s better to tidy up the room.” • You did not match the environment: old, not fashionable clothes, glasses, hair. Laughs for this. • There was a different attitude towards a brother/sister. • You felt unloved, didn't want or wanted a boy. • Criticized your appearance: eat little/much, crooked legs, "Pinocchio", "Cheburashka", not beautiful. • Noticed only shoals, and praise was not accepted and harmful. Are you suddenly spoiled? Low self-esteem is self-loathing, pessimism, and learned helplessness. Men neglect, do not notice, you seem to be afraid to live and be happy.

He wants nothing. How to stir it up?

What if he aspires to nothing? Are you tired of motivating, and he keeps saying “it’s okay”? A man may refuse development for two reasons: 1. For him, success and achievements have no value, he prefers idleness and peace. To motivate is like teaching a stone to fly. This can be seen in his priorities, in the way he spends his free time. 2. For him, development is something else. For example, you dream of an apartment with a mortgage, and he travels around the world for six months. That is, you do not want to motivate him, but to remake him. But he has his own vision of success. What to do with them? Leave the first one on the couch and test the theory, will he learn to be independent if he has nothing to eat? And the second one must be strongly loved and not redone, because by redoing it, you will make him unhappy. Is this love?

Devaluation is the most toxic manipulation.

Devalue - let the person know that he is not important. Or his feelings, desires, problems do not matter to the interlocutor. ▪Oh, never mind, I found something to worry about! ▪Just think you quit, you will have a thousand more of them! ▪I would like your problems. ▪What are you always whining about, smile, life is beautiful! ▪ She is tired, and who is not tired? Did you think you were in a fairy tale? ▪It's all from idleness, you're just lazy. ▪Yes, you yourself chose this, why are you complaining now? Don't like it - leave. ▪Say thanks for not sending at all! ▪Yes, who needs you then? ▪Don't give a damn about your requests, lower the bar! Donate a lip-roller? ▪Don't say a word to her, how tender! ▪Do you think I'm not offended? I'm silent! ▪If I were you, I would never... We are so used to being devalued that we do this to ourselves once an hour, without lunch and days off.

Technique "Timekeeping".

It is a time fix for any tasks, even for such primitive ones as morning exercises or lunch. The bottom line: You write down every task that you spend time on, thereby during the week you will be able to solve the following tasks: - determine what your time is spent on; - identify chronophages, that is, "time eaters"; - to develop a "sense of efficiency" and "sense of time".

Professionalism and awareness.

It's a lot of hard work. Making unpopular, that is critical decisions. Taking emotional risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. Standing your ground. Often not knowing for sure. Doing, redoing, inventing. Again and again facing ignorance, which only becomes wider as the light that stands out from the darkness extends by an effort of attention.

Envy wears different masks.

Well, that's due to the fact that no one wants to feel it, because envy is bad, shameful, low and sometimes unbearable. We try to hide our envy from ourselves and thus call it by different names, forbidding ourselves to feel it in order to think well of ourselves. As a result, we feel empty, sad and even angry. We are afraid of the envy of others, since it is a really dangerous feeling, and sometimes it is better to keep quiet about one's own successes. Otherwise you can suddenly become depreciated and abused by others.

Smart people say: stop comparing yourself to others.

But no matter what heights of awareness we have reached, willingly or unwillingly, consciously or subconsciously, we still compare ourselves to others. That's because behind it is an evolutionary mechanism that ensures our survival. It is not a "why" question that really matters but "what we have as a result" of such a comparison. Well, as a result, we have different feelings, most commonly - envy.

The desire to impress.

The desire to show off is also used by manipulators as a weapon. Knowledge of a person's character, including weaknesses, makes them an easy target for exploitation. So the first step to defend manipulation is not to reveal your weaknesses! However, it is really necessary to know them. This allows to protect yourself not only from being manipulated, but also from being criticized.

Curiosity

Manipulators usually use curiosity as a weapon to attract and retain attention. All public speaking manuals recommend that you begin your speech with a story that arouses curiosity. And during the speech, make promises to talk about something exciting a little later. Every episode of a soap opera is usually stopped at the most interesting moment...

How to identify a provocateur?

Let's list the phrases peculiar to her or him: 1. "It never happened, you're just making it up." 2. "I'm just expressing my opinion, I have the right to do so." 3. "Are you absolutely sure of what you're saying?" 4. "Prove your point, please!" 5. "Are you saying I'm wrong?" These are the most basic phrases provocateurs give out in order to cause you to have doubts. Of course, after such words, many fall into a daze: after all, everything you said has been argued and proven, but the person still refuses to accept it. Such a behavior can make you feel insecure. Moreover, it can cause anger, confusion and anxiety.

Take care of yourself.

A combination of four types of exercise can help you stay strong and resilient: • Walking, biking and swimming strengthen the cardiovascular system. • Weightlifting strengthens and maintains muscles. • Stretching exercises help you remain flexible. • Yoga balance training helps avoid falls.

Childhood trauma.

Most women with an inferiority complex had problems with their father in childhood: he could pay attention to the girl's shortcomings and make incorrect remarks, he was stingy with emotions and showing warm feelings for his daughter. Relations with the mother also affect, because she is an example for a girl to follow. Another mistake in raising girls is when parents laugh at their daughter's imperfections or try to improve something, which in the end also turns into psychological trauma. The girl constantly focuses on her own shortcomings, and pushes her virtues into the background. She does not accept herself, just as they did not accept her and her feelings in childhood.

More than a teacher: Who is a mentor and why your child needs one.

A mentor is an authoritative adult who guides and helps a kid with defining her/himself, the interests, and abilities. The main difference from a teacher is that a mentor doesn't teach the school curriculum, but helps you find your own life and career path. Mentor's working areas: • Helping you find your weaknesses and strengths; • Defining interests; • Choosing a profession; • Combating bad habits; • Solving problems in communication with peers. Why mentoring? Mentoring is aimed at making one adjusted to life, that is to be able to think effectively, explore one's potential, and build skills to use them in some difficult situations.

The bystander effect

Why doesn't anyone come to help? The more people who observe an emergency situation, the less likely they are to offer help. Example: this experiment was conducted in 1968 by social psychologists Bibb Latane and John Darley in New York City. One college student simulated an epileptic seizure. In a situation where one passerby was present during the seizure, the student received help 85% of the time, and only 35% of the time if there was more than one person nearby.

How is apathy manifested?

Apathy is a symptom manifested through the feeling of indifference, a detached attitude to what is going on around, lack of desire for any activity, absence of a negative and positive attitude to reality, absence of emotions.

The effect of the present moment

We have difficulty relating "me today" to "me tomorrow," so we often allow ourselves to do what we like to do now, leaving "those we will be later" to take the blame for these fleeting pleasures. Many of us live as if they are timeless, so they tend to put difficult things off. Case in point: During research, 74% of shoppers, when choosing a meal for the week, preferred healthy fruit. And when they were asked to make a choice for the current day, 70% of experiment participants chose chocolate. The solution: try not to identify "you today" with "you tomorrow." Imagine that tomorrow will be another person, and remember that no one but you can do your job.

Do not try to overcome all fears.

The main mistake: “First I will deal with fears, then I will begin to act.” If you have the impression that only desperate brave men, adventurers and lovers of shaking the good old values ​​\u200b\u200bare acting at once, then this is not true. Or rather, not all. The truth is only about values, because it is just useful to test them for strength. In fact, everyone is afraid. Waiting for the moment when it will not be scary is not worth it. Surprisingly, change often begins with fear. With great fear that life will pass, and we will not even give ourselves a chance to fight for a dream.

Where to get energy?

Well, there is no single answer to this question, neither for me nor for anyone else, because there're different sources of power for each of us. How to unleash your source of energy? Recognize the slightest signs of lively interest in whatever it is. When something makes your eyes shine, it's that very real interest that connects the one to her or his living creative genius. The habit of gathering these little lights will open up access to inner resources.

Read paper books.

I agree that a house full of books is a dust collector. But the results of numerous studies show that information from paper books is remembered and analyzed much better than electronic or audiobooks. Why? The feature of our brain is that the information that is received by all the senses is better remembered. We hold a book in our hands, flip through its pages, smell it, feel the paper by our fingers, look at the cover and illustrations, and, of course, read.

Healthy selfishness.

Learn to think first about your needs, desires, dreams, and only after that spend the remaining time on others. This will help you save energy to achieve your goals and weed out everything that is secondary.