Get rid of the victim syndrome

Many are trapped in the consciousness of the victim. They constantly ask themselves: "Why did it happen so?". Reason gets stuck in the past, it gets stuck on pain, it gets stuck on losses. Victims ask themselves: “Why me?”. Never say to yourself, "I can't." This is how you deprive yourself of opportunities. Don't let resentment into your life. This is what quietly leads you off the road to what you want. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

Passion: expiration date

When people say, "we've been together for 10, 20, 30 years, and the passion is like the first time" - it's a lie and self-deception. The lifespan of any passion in a permanent classic relationship is 3-4 years. After this period, it may randomly increase and subside for a few more years, but eventually comes to naught. And this is normal. Therefore, classic relationships based only on passion last a couple of years at most, and then they fall apart if there is no other common ground between people. Another point: after being together for 3-4 years, people break up and then suddenly get together again, the passion between them may reach its peak again.

How to be happy?

When you ask yourself "How to make money?", "How to find love?", "How to build a happy relationship?", "How to find myself and my business?", etc. - you're asking these questions being at the level of the person you are now, who has actually created the problems you're trying to solve based on your current mindset. That's not how it works. The question is not how to make money, move, create a relationship, or get out of one. The question is what you need to change in your mindset: in your attitude, your thinking and your behavior, to become the kind of person who can find answers to your questions, and most importantly, to take the right actions in order to make what you want become real.

There are people who do NOTHING to change their lives for years, no matter how much they want it.

For example, for years they live in a city they don't want to live in, even though they know which one they would like to live in. For years they go to the same job, which has been boring for a long time, even though they know what they really want to do, but do nothing to change their activities. For years, they stay in a relationship, while their breakup is long overdue. That's because their way of thinking is a dead end. The most common phrases they use include "we have to wait more", "now is not the time", "there is no possibility", "there is no time", "there is no money", etc. All of these are just illusory limitations, psychological masks behind which lurks the fear that nothing will work, that it will be worse than it is now if I take a chance and try. To live this way means to miss out on your life.

"Never give up."

When it comes to self-development, many people repeat like a mantra: "Never give up." They cite the example of various entrepreneurs and inventors, who supposedly never gave up and therefore achieved what they achieved. I don't think it's about never giving up. A person achieves something first of all not because she or he does not give up, but because they are interested in living and acting, and the main thing is intuition. Anyone who achieves something knows how to listen to her/his heart. If your intuition tells you that you've chosen the wrong way, you have to give up - to at least make a stop and think it over. Try to trust your feelings and find out whether this road you run so fast is right. Because if you're on the wrong road, what's the point of keeping running on it?

What don't many people understand?

They don't understand that only rabbits breed quickly, while lasting results in life require discipline and regularity. You can't start making millions in a snap if you don't change your mindset, and that takes determination and time. You can't start speaking a foreign language by taking one class. You can't get rid of psychological problems by going to counseling a couple or three times. So - what does "fast" mean? Fast is actually slow but steady. And the "I want it all at once" thinking is a dead end.

Why did you break up?

If you delve into your breakups, you will easily find that the root cause of each one was unfulfilled expectations on your part as well as on the part of the other. You expected one behavior and attitude, but got something different in fact, and it doesn't matter in what areas - whether it's sex, the amount of attention, common interests, children, or money. So what you received eventually did not coincide with your ideas of how it should be or how you would like it to be. The same happened with the other's expectations though.

Self acceptance.

Accepting yourself when you succeed is not difficult. Accepting yourself when you fail is something everyone learns sooner or later. Accepting oneself amidst strong feelings is something that any book or even the most superficial psychological coaching can teach you. But do you know how to accept yourself as inactive, standing at ground zero? To do it when you are incomprehensible to yourself and others. How easy is that for you to give yourself time to blunt and digest what's going on? Isn't it better than spending all your energy to avoid facing your weaknesses?

Don't forget discipline.

Often, instead of what you planned, you want to do something else. Instead of going to the gym, for example, come home early and lie on the couch. It seems like it will make us happier, but don't trust your intuition. Our brains are very bad at predicting what will make us happier. To develop discipline, exercise one interesting exercise will help you. The bottom line is that when you need to do something, and the brain starts to offer you other conditions, you first write down what you wanted to do, and then turn on the music. At this time, your brain seems to be distracted, which will allow you to tune in after the music to the working mood. If you do this exercise often, the effect will be the opposite.

The deceiver first deceives himself.

The person who deceives you, accidentally or intentionally, is always, on some level, deceives him/herself. That's because it is just impossible to dare this dissonance that occurs in the body while lying without being deluded. The dissonance occurs when words do not coincide with thoughts, and thoughts do not coincide with feelings. When people in conflict are absolutely confident about something you don't agree with, or something that goes against common sense, agreements, or obvious facts, you can argue with them endlessly. Make a choice: to prove someone they are wrong, that is to explain that twice two makes four, or stop it and realize that they are deceiving themselves, not you.

Getting out of a codependent relationship.

A person who has stopped playing co-dependent games and raping him/herself, who has escaped from the abusive system in one way or another, is often considered from inside the system as a traitor who has failed, abandoned, left alone, chosen the easiest way. And no one is saying she or he is right. However, often a person has no other way to start a better life, except going for a betrayal, which, together with the pain, carries its healing power.

Manipulator phrases that can drive anyone crazy.

I've gathered for you three phrases manipulators use to undermine your independence. "You exaggerate everything." The manipulator purposely makes you feel like a PARANOID. For example, flirt with your ex(s) in front of everyone and then say you were imagining things. "I hate drama." The manipulator arranges PROVOCATIONS and then blames you when you react. Feeling drama they hate so much cultivates guilt feeling in you. "You misunderstood me." Misunderstandings occur everywhere. But the manipulators set up provocations in order to turn everything upside down and then blame you. (Yes very much like a simple trick.) The only way to quit such a relationship is to stop all contact. No messages, calls, or whatever.

The difference between a pessimist and a realist.

However, you shouldn't confuse a pessimist with a realist - these are completely DIFFERENT views of life. A realist is a person who is neutral to everything going on around him She or he doesn't let their emotions or desires affect the situation. Do you remember that glass that is half empty or half full? A pessimist thinks it's half empty, while a realist sees it as half full. So, a realist would just drink water from this glass to quench thirst

The Danger of Pessimism.

Pessimists don't see success in their actions, and the world around gives them no reason to be happy. This attitude reduces the quality of life and can contribute to the growth of depression. An interesting fact: Pessimists with their attitude prevent the production of endorphins, which directly reduces well-being and thus weakens the immune system. Simply put, they kill themselves.

How to talk about pregnancy

1. Send your husband a pregnancy letter. Yes, this is not the fastest way to deliver important news, but it's worth the wait. Imagine the face of your spouse when he opens the envelope and reads the message! 2. Prepare fortune cookies. Surely, you are familiar with this Chinese tradition - to hide a piece of paper folded into a tube with wishes for the coming year inside baking. 3. Book a table for three in a restaurant and come a little earlier than your loved one. Then the next step is to ask the waiter to say that the third guest of this meeting is slightly late and will come in 9 months. 4. Edit the video. At the end of the video, insert a picture of the baby with an ultrasound or a photo of a pregnancy test. 5. Arrange a quest for your husband. The purpose of this quest is to find the treasure hidden in the apartment. Let the envelope with a positive test act as a treasure.

Two rules to change your love life. 2.

2. Your relationship should bring joy. If the relationship ceased to bring joy and began to bring disgust, then end it. Don't get used to the showdown and tears. This is not normal for both of you! After all, many people get bogged down in resentment for years! They occupy their brains with unnecessary squabbles - so don't do that! These rules are necessary to build a long and stable relationship.

Two rules to change your love life. 1.

Let's talk about the things without which your relationship is just doomed to fail. Screw advice on how to have ONS or get married. There are only two rules in sex life that really work. They work for both men and women. 1. Simple means good. Complex means bad. There is no need to prove anything in a relationship. You don't have to woo or chase anyone. Do it once, you will do it every day, and all you will see in response is a dissatisfied face. If things are not going well since the beginning, do not suffer or wait something.

How to identify a verbal aggressor

3. Demeaning of interests They often ridicule other people's hobbies and interests, which makes people embarrassed and even ashamed of their favorite things. 4. Impairment Aggressors devalue the work of others and speak with contempt of any achievements, causing us to give up and think that no one needs our efforts. 5. Disguised villainy Verbal terror often takes place behind closed doors so that no one can interfere. The victim is quietly harassed at school, work, or home and gradually driven to the point of extreme despair.

How to identify a verbal aggressor

Many people do not fully understand how serious the consequences of psychological violence are, but it is no less dangerous than physical aggression. 1. "The Mood Killer" Moral sadists can't stand it when someone is feeling good, and therefore look for a chance to ruin your mood, each time enjoying bringing you to tears. 2. Absolute rightness Verbal aggressors never apologize: they are sure that they are right by default.

Choosing a Psychotherapist: Him or Her

Who is better to go to - a man or a woman? In general, experts hold the following opinion: it absolutely does not matter. Make your own choice. What really matters is the particular specialist's level of professionalism. Find out about your potential therapist's qualifications and specialization: where she studied, what methods she prefers, what kind of problems she works with, what kind of feedback those who undergo the therapy give. If you have some concerns about your future therapist's sex, it's worth answering a few questions for yourself: 1. Would I feel comfortable with a therapist of that sex? 2. What exactly is frightening me? 3. Why do I need a therapist of that sex?