Senior advice that you don't need to listen to

"At your age, it's time to get married and have children" The addressee of the message may be 20 or 40 years old, but the meaning is the same: his life path does not correspond to the generally accepted one. The average scenario looks like this: get an education, find a job, get married, give birth to your first child in a year or two, then think about the second. And if you somehow do not meet public expectations, then it is perceived as a tragedy. At any age and under any circumstances, the decision to have a child should be meaningful, otherwise, instead of one happy person, you risk getting several unhappy ones.

The strongest response to a sneaky blow is silence.

Especially when you are expected to respond. The longer you pause, the better. Let them think what's on your mind. Let them consider options for your answers to their meanness, startle at every stranger who comes in, see you in every random aggressive fake and in every sharp quote that you repost on your wall. A person who has treated you meanly will definitely think that these are all your machinations. It would never occur to him that intelligent people do not exchange for any nonsense, and if they serve revenge, then as a cold dish. And the smart ones do not take revenge at all, they just live their lives. They are just happy!

Laws of Happiness

1. Believe in your happiness. Believe that this is possible for you. Faith is a belief, the perception of something as a fact, for no apparent reason. That's how a happy life, you need to believe, "that I can be happy, without clear evidence." 2. Be ready for happiness if it suddenly comes. This is your answer to the question: “What next?” It will definitely come if you can well imagine the events that will happen after ... 3. Do not wish, but intend to become happy. There is a rather large distance between desire and intention - an abyss. Dreaming of being happy is a hobby for the soul, which is nice to do from time to time. Intention is a state of mind and body with the intent to become one.

Types of toxic men

He scolds your body. Every time you put on your favorite item, he suggests putting on another one because it reveals something you'd be better off hiding. He says "chick" or "wench". If it's a joke, please. But a person who seriously calls all the surrounding women that way, including, perhaps, you, is clearly not one of those who respects "chicks." He says hurtful things and then turns everything into a joke He claims that in this outfit you look ten years older, and when you are offended, he adds that he was joking, and you have no sense of humor.

Protect yourself from harmful thoughts

Sometimes we develop firm erroneous beliefs, which are extremely difficult to overcome. It seems to you that they are a part of you, but they are not. A person is plastic by nature and can accept any attitude if he forms it long enough and persistently. This ability can be useful. Track down the beliefs that prevent you from living: low self-esteem, lack of opportunity for change, and so on. Ask yourself questions, become your own psychiatrist. For example, if you feel uncomfortable in the company, ask yourself: "Why did I decide that shyness is my natural quality?", "What prevents me from communicating freely?", "Have I always felt squeezed in the company of other people?", "When did it start?"

Don't be afraid to refuse someone

Sometimes it can be very difficult to say no. Especially if you are used to achieving your goals and doing everything carefully. It is not easy to change a job that is unsuitable for you, to give up a difficult relationship. You have to admit that you are not coping and something is beyond your capabilities. And this is extremely unpleasant. When psychologists advise setting boundaries, avoiding excessive workload and not imposing excessive obligations on yourself, it seems that they are talking about simple and obvious things. In fact, it's not fun at all to explain to the boss why you are increasingly taking time off "due to illness". It's even less pleasant to finally admit that you can't pull off a full-time job and leave your current place.

Not everyone needs love.

Some live without it at all. And some homeopathic doses give out love. Or are able to learn only grains and grams. Because of this, so much suffering is caused by people to each other. Due to different energy consumption. And then somehow they interact all the same, if they stay together. But this is not a very happy relationship. Happy love - when the ability to give and the need to receive coincide, when the energy intensity is the same. Ηo this rarely happens. And some yearn for love, others choke on it. Some fountain with tenderness and love, others lightly drizzle and drip drop by drop. Oh, it's still love. Oh what ect. Because for many, the barometer shows "great land" initially. And the thermometer is absolute zero. They give nothing and cannot contain anything. They are completely lifeless, like a herbarium. And the worst thing is to love such a person; he doesn't need anything. And there is nothing to give you to him ...

Man will take as much love as he can contain.

And give as much love as he has. No more and no less. And some people give a stream of love, an inexhaustible waterfall, while others take a sip and can no longer. Their soul capacity is so small. For a sip. Then they begin to choke and drown. For them, an excess of love is like torture with water ... Or one craves love, absorbs it like dry sand in the desert. And the second one drizzled a little, like mushroom rain, poured water from the nursery and that's it. The energy of love has run out. He gave everything he had. He has nothing more to give. So honestly, he says: “I can’t give you anything else.” It's true. And this is the great drama of love, in this capacity of the soul. One overflows, and the other chokes and drowns in this stream of feelings. He flounders and pushes away already ... And the other quenches his thirst with meager drops of dew and cannot quench it in any way. This is how energy exchange manifests itself in love; sad picture.

Who is a male provocateur?

His favorite game is to provoke you to emotions, and unpleasant ones, those that will make you feel uncomfortable. There are several types of them: • Amateur provocateur The person for whom the only correct opinion is his own does not tolerate dissent. • Provocateur-strategist Most often, they do something behind their backs to achieve their own success or to put themselves in the best light. • Ruler-ruler Plays with those who are psychologically weaker, looking for a victim, and then asserts himself through manipulation.

“I found my husband’s love correspondence with another: what should I do?”

Don't shut yourself off from your emotions, admit them to yourself. Yes, you are hurt, hurt, you feel betrayed, angry. Then proceed according to the following scheme: ▫️Choose a convenient time to talk. Ask what your husband's love correspondence means, how you should react to it. Most men begin to make excuses, to confess their boundless love. Make sure your partner is not lying to you. ▫️ Speak out your feelings. Say that you are offended, you are hurt and feel bad. But do not shout, do not scandal: oddly enough, men are frightened by such behavior, they "close". ▫️Ask your husband how he sees the future life of your family. After that, say that you need time to think and make a decision. It is advisable to spend this time separately: ask him to temporarily move out or change the situation yourself. Take this time to figure out what you want from the relationship. Are you ready to forgive cheating?

Give up one-size-fits-all approach

Personal growth coaches are often billionaires, celebrities, and politicians. They have come a long way to achieve success, and their accomplishments are extremely impressive. But everyone has his own path, so that would be just unwise to think and act like Gates, Zuckerberg, Oprah, Martin Luther, or anyone else. Living another person's life, imitating someone, is a huge mistake. Repeating someone else's way is unlikely, because copying is always doomed to failure. In order to grow as a self-sufficient person, express your individuality instead of using templates, and think in your own way, not like billionaires.

How to set goals for the year in order to accomplish them?

For many people, setting goals has long been an annual December tradition. But how to plan for the future so that you don’t shed tears over unrealized goals at the end of the year? Choose 12 major goals for the year. The first and most important thing is to allocate 12 tasks for the year, one for each month. You might think that’s too much. Definitely no! We are, unfortunately, prone to apathy and procrastination. However, if you looked at your goal in detail, you'd be surprised at how quickly it can be achieved. Make a to do list with 12 tasks on a sheet of paper and pin it on the wall, so that all year long this list will be before your eyes and will not let you retreat. Two simple rules for choosing a goal: ▫️ Set goals that are easy to measure (for example, to write 10 articles, so you'll know the exact deadline). ▫️ Imagine that the task has already been accomplished and think about whether it would make you happy.

"Metamorphoses" and their causes

"Aunt" is always squeezing yourself for the sake of others, life by other people's interests. Conquer the "Aunt" in yourself - shout glamorous magazines. Sleep well, eat marbled beef five times a day, go to strength training three times a week, and go to the pool three times. Go to the hairdresser's, buy new clothes. They are unaware that, perhaps, this woman really wants to do strength training, and in the SPA, and in the pool. She has two schoolchildren around her neck, a paralyzed mother-in-law, parents who need help. For some reason, it is customary in society to treat "Aunts" with disdain, to shame with an absurd appearance, to accuse them of laziness. Although, frankly, some "Aunts" husbands, children and society would have to bow at the feet for their feat. On them, in part, this world rests.

"Metamorphoses" and their causes

Where do they even come from - these "Aunts"? And I'll tell you where. "Aunts" become women who do not live for themselves. Women who are forced to act daily and hourly against their wishes. What makes them do it? Probably debt. Are stocks in mass markets interested in a good life? No. They are interested in women who are trying to stretch their pay for a month, misunderstood called a salary. To have enough for food, and for my husband's pants, and for the child for tutors. Again, did a woman come up with tutors and a boring test of lessons? She just took on the responsibility, and tries to meet the high modern standards of child support. About which (both about standards and about children) a husband often has only a speculative idea. Why does "Aunt" eat cake? Probably, it makes up for energy losses that cannot be replenished otherwise - by walking, sleeping. Because she had no time to sleep, the child's teeth were cut / her stomach ached / her temperature rose.

"Metamorphoses" and their causes

Often men are indignant when they see that from a thin and sonorous girl who was once their beloved, it was suddenly hatched out incomprehensibly - some kind of shapeless "Aunt". They think they have been deceived. They slipped, it seems, a low-quality product. There was a student in a white cap, dancing at a disco, reading Haruki by Murakami, dreaming of going to Paris, and suddenly - on you, in all its glory, this terrifying sight. The classic "Aunt" with a reduced outlook, limited to the purchase of stew "by stock" and hiring tutors for the child. With a short haircut, in stretched shorts of an incomprehensible color, with a cake during a break at work, in strange hooded clothes of non-marking colors, more reminiscent of a parachute.

Questions for the analysis of family relationships

It is enough to dive into these questions to understand how close you are with your spouse at the moment. The sooner you can see, the more opportunities for improving relations. Or, at worst, realize that you have wasted a lot of time living in an empty relationship. • Am I satisfied in this relationship? • How long ago did I share my feelings with my man? • Do I know what he likes? • When was the last time I did something nice for him on my own? • When was the last time he shared his feelings with me? • When was the last time he did something nice for me of his own accord? • Is my man satisfied with his relationship with me? • Do we live together because we both want it, or because we are used to and should live like this?

Retribution for insults

Did you know that the other side of resentment is a woman's health? In fact, resentment is clots of bad energy, memories and experiences. And they are stored nowhere else but in our body. Resentment is nonsense for a woman's body and the cause of her blues on the physical level. And so we, girls, should forever say goodbye to insults, simultaneously forgiving and releasing the offenders.

Leave the habit of throwing sharp phrases

Today I propose to analyze the errors on specific examples. Instead of the first option, use the second. It will help to find mutual understanding and strengthen relationships: ▫️Do what you want! / It is important for me that we decide together what to do. ▫️Who needs you but me? / You are the best! ▫️It doesn’t work out well with you. / It hurts me when you do this to me. ▫️I don't want to talk to you./Let's come back to this conversation later. ▫️ I told you that it would be so! / Next time we will do it differently. ▫️You did it on purpose to hurt me./It's an accident, I know you didn't mean to hurt me. ▫️You never do anything around the house. / Without you, I can't cope with household chores. Remember phrases that harm relationships, and which strengthen!

Do you have room for a husband?

It is very important for a woman to leave space inside herself for her husband, and at all levels: • on the physical - give the opportunity to protect, help, take care of yourself. • socially - to accept the husband's status and his social influence, without trying to change him, without comparing him with others. • on the intellectual level - to be able to listen and accept his point of view (without giving up his own), accept his world and beliefs. • on the spiritual - to accept unconditionally the path that a man leads, without control and condemnation. If you give your husband space on all these levels, you will see how your feelings about yourself will change and how your spouse will begin to grow, progress, rise higher.

Do not suppress the negative emotions but use them to draw conclusions

It is believed that a successful person is positive and happy at any given time, but this is a delusion and deception. Creating an enthusiastic atmosphere of joy at trainings and courses, an illusion is formed that it will follow you into everyday life. But there the range of emotions is wider, and negative experience is integral. You need to live it and accept it without suppressing yourself, otherwise it's easy to become a regular client of a psychologist. Negativity can be beneficial from the point of view of personal growth, if you analyze your condition correctly and draw the right conclusions. Plus, it increases the value of positivity, which does not get boring and works even more effectively on emotional contrast.