A major family illusion is that relatives are the closest people.

And automatically, obligatorily and completely. And that's not true. They may have chosen each other on a soul level, but as people, they just got each other. That's why relatives are the first people where we meet not only with love, but also with impossibility, misunderstanding, absence and disappointment. Relatives are people given to us to adjust our filter and learn to discern. Take the necessary and spit out the unnecessary, even if it is systematically under our noses. And eventually, discover ourselves by separating from others.

About Resources and Holes

Dealing with resources ultimately boils downs to facing with the holes, into which these resources leak. It's also about assimilation. Until a person realizes he’s like a moose that drinks and drinks, and he’s getting worse and worse, nothing will change globally. You can receive information, support and warmth for hours and tons, but if you spit it out or stockpile it aside and don't notice or just lose it, no one from the outside will help. As you can only find the hole in contact with others. But fixing the hole is always a work in itself.

The brain always wants more, even if it doesn't make us happy.

Psychologists from Princeton University in New Jersey decided to find out how people get trapped in an endless thirst for the fulfillment of more and more material desires, and how psychological problems can develop because of this. The simulation experiment showed that the degree of happiness depends on "relative comparison" - people worry about the difference between the material goods they have and those they want to receive. Also, the feeling of happiness depends on our previous expectations. They may change over time. For example, if we enjoyed last summer's round-the-world cruise, we will want to experience at least the same emotions on our next vacation. On the one hand, if you never feel satisfied, you will endlessly strive for the best. On the other hand, constantly devalue what you already have. This can lead to depression and overconsumption.

Why is life in the family an eternal problem?

Life in the family is all everyday worries, household chores that provide for the needs and requirements of each family member. From these needs, household duties are formed. Of course, before the wedding, lovers do not really think about how their life will be organized. But in vain. Routine destroys a marriage due to the wrong distribution of responsibilities, unspoken grievances.

How to understand that a man wants a family?

He becomes more caring, shows attention, worries about your health and well-being. He spends a lot of time with you. He is ready to give you a space where you can arrange your necessary women's things. He tries to do everything to make your stay in his house comfortable. You are a part of his life, which means there is no need to hide you. He wants to show you to others as his partner.

Why spouses should sleep together.

Sleeping together is very beneficial. Sleeping with your spouse improves health and may even extend the days of life. A happy woman falls asleep faster. If you prefer to sleep together, then the dream will be strong, deep and healthy. This is a hint of intimacy. In bed with your husband, you have a desire to play pranks.

Two essential things to happen to a person to make him older.

Disappointment in fantasies, omnipotence, limitlessness, infinity, absolute choice and the ability to please everyone. Humility and acceptance of the fact that you're not hanging in the air and can't be cooler than everyone else. Accepting the way things are, and the presence of other people in your life. And the sooner that happens, the more accessible simple human happiness is. Not the kind that requires conquering the universe, but the kind that can be made with your hands, and achieved by simple actions. Not comprehensive, but finite, concrete and simple enough.

Sometimes you just don't want to feel... anger, resentment, sadness, or shame.

But they come.⠀ Sometimes you don't want to feel sad or ashamed. But these feelings, as well as any others, come no matter what you want. Sometimes you suddenly feel so hurt that you ask your business partner to wait and run to the bathroom to cry when no one is looking. And you can't explain to yourself what happened. You just feel so vulnerable and can't show it. Feelings make us vulnerable and open to the world in all its unpredictability. They make it possible to be with someone, to change, to find ourselves in unexpected places, to suffer and to rejoice. To be alive.

The longer we don't name and identify an event, the more experience we can draw from it.

The more attentively we examine and look at what we see, the more chance it has to change right in our presence. The most attentive people always win. This also concerns the one who is able to make a pause and discern possibilities. That is to notice something invisibly present, the essence of what is happening.

Be smart.

It's fair to say that we all have different levels of empathy. But even an attempt to understand your spouse, reciprocating love and understanding, plays a huge role in relationships. Be attentive to the little things and show compassion!

Do not criticize each other's parents.

Each of us has something to say about our parents, and even more so about the parents of a wife or husband. But don't give in to this temptation. Even if the husband himself complains about his parents, the rule continues to work. Do not give in to provocation, do not get involved and start scolding his mother or father along with him. Just say, "I understand you." Don't say yes, "yes, your mom is a really terrible woman!"

What happens to the feelings we bottle and hide?

As a rule, only intensify and find workarounds to manifest themselves. Envy is a strong feeling, it derives from our desires and opportunities, it is a passion, and there is a lot of energy behind it. Is it possible to turn this energy to your advantage? Or is an envious person doomed to suffer? Creative envy gives inspiration, motivation and even joy. Neurotic envy is a slightly different story. And then there is narcissistic, psychotic envy... there are many forms of its manifestation, each has their own.

Hope can strike you blind.

If there is even the slightest chance of hope somewhere on the horizon - one might find themselves in a state of worry and uncertainty. Their world is not as agile and capable of change. When one is preparing themselves to take the first heroic step into a new bright future, they face challenge to take these “domino” steps in the present.

Let yourself grow.

Some people find it hard to let themselves grow or even reach their true level. They want to stay small, or at least not very big. There're few people who dare to declare their real growth, let alone to admit the fact that they are above average. However, it's not so hard to be above average among people who don't want to grow at all. Growth is a responsibility. Growth is a right. Growth is your call. It's at everyone's discretion.

Balance in relationships.

Family relationships are everyday work. We need to hear each other and talk, and not make claims. It is also important to constantly throw firewood into the hearth. Life really dulls feelings, but if they are real and the fire is maintained, the routine will not kill them. And in general, all couples have family problems.

Submarine principle.

During a quarrel or conflict, imagine that you are on a submarine or on a spaceship. All hatches are tightly closed and it is impossible to open them, which means that there is no way to get out of the boat either. And the phones don't work either: there is no one to call and complain to. Therefore, you need to learn how to resolve any conflict or quarrel right now, without leaving your home and without attracting anyone from outside. The maximum that you have is the opportunity to go to the kitchen, calm down and think about how you can solve the situation now, what words to choose, how to agree, what steps to take. This is a very simple principle, it has already helped save more than one family.

Seek or grow.

Peace and joy are not to be found outside. Anything found outside makes you dependent on something that is not you. However, you can be inspired by something from the outside world and put it inside yourself like a sprout. You can reflect things that you like using your imagination. Peace and joy have to be cultivated within yourself. This approach is much more encouraging than others. It requires no one but you, and no time but now. You just have to plant sprouts inside and start taking care of them.

Do you love yourself unconditionally?

Accepting yourself when you succeed is not difficult. Accepting yourself when you fail is something everyone learns sooner or later. Accepting oneself amidst strong feelings is something that any book or even the most superficial psychological coaching can teach you. But do you know how to accept yourself as inactive, standing at ground zero? To do it when you are incomprehensible to yourself and others. Give yourself time to duck or digest what's going on? How easy is that for you? Aren’t you spending all your energy to avoid facing your inactive self?

Getting out of a codependent relationship.

A person who has stopped playing co-dependent games and raping him/herself, who has escaped from the abusive system in one way or another, is often considered from inside the system as a traitor who has failed, abandoned, left alone, chosen the easiest way. No one is saying she or he is right. However, often a person has no other way to start a better life, except going for a betrayal, which, together with the pain, carries its healing power.

Just put up with it...

It is much easier to put up with some things a person does when you love her or him. But it's very hard when you don't feel love. Or you don't love him anymore. When there is no peace, no understanding, no strength to forgive. Humility with the actions of those you love multiplies love and gives a joint perspective. Love gives strength. You cannot make them up or call them out by order. They are already there. Accepting the actions of those you don't love gives you personal freedom and wisdom. It also gives you back your energy, your attention and makes you free. However, it takes a lot more mental effort.