Questions to help spouses understand.

I have prepared for you questions that you can ask each other during a conversation: • What is the relationship between us? • What needs to be done to get them back on track? • Is there a third person? • Is there love? • Is it possible to live without insults? With positive answers, you can start talking about the cause of the insults and possible ways to eliminate them.

Turn off "teacher mode"!

Some ladies already on the first date begin to load topics about family responsibilities, threaten with a finger if the gentleman has his own views on the main life issues. An edifying tone in dealing with men has never brought success. In general, the most thankless task is to try to remake a person. But many women believe that over the years their husband will definitely change. You just need to "re-educate" him correctly. A terrible mistake that has already destroyed millions of families.

Is it worth keeping a man if he decides to leave?

The answer is obvious: you won’t be forced to be nice. Any woman understands this. However, for some reason it does exactly the opposite. She can be understood. In fact, such a reaction to a breakup is normal, it is the strongest stress. At first, you are shocked by the fact that you are being abandoned. Then you deny that this is possible, his decision seems like nonsense, a mistake. Then you get angry and bargain. In the third stage of living through a breakup, you're trying to get it all back, no matter what the cost. The red light turns on: “He's mine! I can fix everything! We should be together!".

What not to do in a conflict.

Push a partner. You can not categorically demand that the husband accept your point of view. Demand the impossible. That is, for a person to give up his principles or vital interests. Such things destroy relationships and do not bring happiness. Tolerate. Sometimes we hope that the person himself will understand what we do not like. As a result, we endure for a long time and then explode. Such an explosion can be a very difficult test for a relationship. Blackmail. That is, issue ultimatums, demand something with the words "Otherwise I ...". It may even work, but later it will turn against you. Throw tantrums. Showing emotions is a must. But it is important to communicate adequately, controlling yourself as much as possible.

How to relax to be more productive.

The brain needs a break. The more we are stressed, the more overloaded the brain. Stress hormones are produced, anxiety wakes up. And now we are no longer able to think clearly - and here it is not far from mistakes. To keep yourself in good shape, I advise you to do timers with breaks. You can try several options and choose the most suitable one. For example: 25/5, 52/17. The first figure is the time of work, the second is the rest.

Strive for balance.

We waste a lot of energy in vain, because different aspects of our life - both external and internal - contradict each other. You may be held back by a colleague who does not want you to be promoted, by friends who laugh at your goals, or by your own fears and doubts. Take some time and try to unravel the conflicts that have accumulated in your life and find ways to resolve them. Sometimes all it takes is changing one thing. Sometimes you need a long-term plan to get rid of toxic environments or beliefs that are holding you back.

Devaluation - what is it and why?

Depreciation is the removal of value from objects or relationships so that they become less meaningful and cannot affect you. They can't upset you, hurt you, change you, or at least affect you in some way. This is one way of psychological defense. It is used by the legendary fox in Aesop's fable, saying that "the grapes are green," and thus, not worth her effort. And the whole point is that she just can't get those grapes and tries to soothe her pain by devaluing them. Depreciation often kills a relationship by not allowing it to experience the transformation it is meant to experience.

Frustration - what is it and why?

In short, the process of removing rose-colored glasses. Letting go of a fascination that was not the quality of the object of fascination, but something of yours, contrived. Encountering reality, as it were. Disillusioned with what the object of your fascination is not, you can finally see what it really is. And start to interact with it without fantasies. As an example, the man opposite is not a guru, but just a good specialist in his field. And that is often much more valuable than a guru. For it is real and close.

We can't give up expectations.

Especially those really essential to us and affect our deepest needs. That’s why we are often offended by those closest to us, or those with whom we have a deep relationship. Expectations suddenly reveal all of our vulnerability, which is all the more difficult to show to someone who has not lived up to them. That's why, when you get a message about a sudden evening sickness, you try only to colorlessly reply, "Well, all right, get well..." - and hang up, feeling a lump in your chest and stomach. Or a hole that isn't filled at all. Eastern wisdom suggests giving up expectations. Just take things as they are.

Why are we offended?

We are offended only when we have unreasonable expectations that weren’t destined to come true, and that are difficult to refuse. For example, someone has agreed to spend a pleasant intimate evening with you, and the day before (or even half an hour after the appointed time) they call and say that they feel sick and won’t come... A familiar story? It’d seem that the reason is valid, but how much resentment rises!

About resentment and childhood relationships.

Recognizing your own grievances or, at least, an ability to identify them, is already the first step to growing up. Resentment is a childish pattern of behavior. Typically, when people talk about childish behavior patterns, they mention it with disdain and underlying criticism, wanting to shame the person they are talking about. In my view, childlike behavior patterns are simply signs of what level a person is at now and what their actual needs are. A child's level is no worse than an adult's. It just needs to be understood that it has its own tasks.

One request, one complaint.

Some women make the biggest mistake. In one quarrel, they manage to express everything that has boiled over months or even years. Make it a rule to voice only one wish at a time. When you criticize your husband, he sees in you not a beloved woman, but a primary school teacher who only wants to teach. And, of course, don't get personal.

Constructive dialogue.

When you talk about your claims, it is important to talk about what you don’t like about a person’s behavior, actions, but in no case touch on his personal qualities, otherwise the disassembly can drag on indefinitely. Compare: “I don’t like that you put things here and there because I just cleaned and I want it to be clean” Or: "You're a slob, you always make a mess and you never clean up after yourself" Conflicts in which there is a goal to push the partner under your model, template, as well as conflicts in which offensive statements are allowed, do not benefit the relationship.

How to make your husband rich?

Women do not understand that they drive all the masculinity in their chosen one to death into a corner, taking responsibility for everything. A man will not become complete next to a mother woman. On the contrary, he will become a little boy, a child to be looked after. Did you marry a child? Your assertiveness and eternal piling detract from all his masculine qualities, the male instinct hides behind an inferiority complex and does not allow him to move on. Only the man whose beloved allows him to make decisions leads him to real wealth. She inspires him to exploits for her own sake, and he moves mountains. She gives him wings and he begins to soar in the clouds.

I don't like him.

Everyone has long known the formulation that if you don't like something in another person, you have to look for it in the shadow part of yourself. Seek it out, accept it, explore it, and then you'll "let go”. But you don't know what it is that you don't like in people. If you take everything in and dig it out, it will take a long time. So you don't like it and you don't like it. Maybe something just doesn't suit you. For example, the smell isn't right or the way you dress. So the first thing to pay attention to is what you actively dislike. To those situations where, instead of just stepping away from your partner, you stay around and try to actively redo him, blame or shame him. And you can't calm down. You explain to him why he's wrong, and you can't calm down.

What do we learn from frustrating experiences?

The contact of one human being with another is always valuable if one sees the essence. Sufi wisdom says: the one who hurts you, blesses you. He sends you on a journey that you would never dare to undertake on your own.

As we get closer to pleasure, the closer we get to vulnerability.

For pleasure is possible when a person connects with himself, stops analyzing, and simply goes through what's happening to him. The closer we are to vulnerability, and so, to real feeling, the less control we have. And the lower the control, the closer to the surface everything that is contained. That's why people who hold back pain, anger, grief, or fears are almost inaccessible to pleasure. Pleasure and vulnerability are inseparable. You cannot turn on all the senses and turn off what is not lived. And as soon as control is reduced, the restrained and hidden comes to the surface with all clarity.

Advantages of conflict in marriage.

Remember that conflict is a phase that affects many couples, but it can be overcome. Do not be afraid of conflicts, but learn to solve them: even the most difficult and uncomfortable situation, if it is discussed, can become an impetus for the development of your relationship and the search for new prospects.

Can passion be returned?

First of all, you need to decide whether you need a further relationship with a person who could not stand the difficulties, lost interest in you, fell out of love and, most likely, found a replacement. To change the situation, we must move forward, and not stand still. If you want to return the old emotions - work on yourself. Be sure to talk to your husband, do not hush up the problems.

Partner woman.

She knows how to listen like no one else. Everything that her man wants to tell about is interesting and important to her - from problematic and difficult moments in his work to incredible ideas with which he is full. It is important to be able to give a man the feeling that you are on his side, his main ally and support in those moments when it is really needed.