Learn to say "NO"

This problem is found in many women with low self-esteem. The inability to refuse plays a cruel joke on you and provokes the process of self-flagellation. To prevent this from happening, you should overpower yourself and learn to say “no” if this or that action makes you uncomfortable. For self-esteem, it is important that you do not burden yourself with other people's tasks, regardless of whether they are related to work, friends or family.

If a man does not aspire to anything?

Are you tired of motivating, and he keeps saying “it’s okay”? A man may refuse development for two reasons: 1. For him, success and achievements have no value, he prefers idleness and peace. To motivate is like teaching a stone to fly. This can be seen in his priorities, in the way he spends his free time. 2. For him, development is something else. For example, you dream of an apartment with a mortgage, and he travels around the world for six months. That is, you do not want to motivate him, but to remake him. But he has his own vision of success. What to do with them? Leave the first one on the couch and test the theory, will he learn to be independent if he has nothing to eat? And the second one needs to be strongly loved and not redone, because if you redo it, you will make him unhappy. Is this love?

About the inner child.

While we are fussing and worrying a lot, solving various adult life problems, the little child inside us waits for us to pay attention to him. And if this doesn't happen, he begins to seek encouragement and praise from other people. This manifests itself when an adult is trying to please everyone, to be good, when he or she becomes dependent on other people's opinions. I should be "bad" or "good". And hence lives someone else's life. In case we give our inner child love and attention every day as a caring parent, we don't need external evaluation, we don't fall into dependent relationships, we can listen to ourselves and move on the road to destiny, easily overcoming any challenges and living our OWN life.

How to overcome delayed life syndrome?

You have to work on it. Determine if it is your own desire/goal/dream or you've just succumbed to other people's opinions. Think less and do more. Never berate but praise yourself for the pleasures of the here and now as often as possible, since these pleasures are actually your emotions. Plan and implement new activities that bring new emotions (entertainment, hobbies, spontaneous trips). DON'T postpone the pleasure of LIVING!

Myth: Love changes a person.

Brought up on classical literature and good films, women are sure that a great bright feeling can heal a person. Hence all these stories about how a womanizer and boor suddenly became a respectable family man. But this is nothing more than a plot for a romantic comedy. But understand one truth. An adult person is able to radically change only in one case: If he wants to and will work on himself. No inspiring speeches, let alone ultimatums, will budge a man who does not strive for development.

The husband does not know how to admit his guilt.

He is always right. Fight to the last! Never apologizes. If the dispute has reached an impasse, he may be silent for a week, but does not admit that he is to blame. Familiar? Avoid men who do not know how to admit their guilt, because the one who is always right and not guilty of anything will make you a scapegoat. You will correct his mistakes and all responsibility will fall on you, because he is perfection! Roughly speaking, he would rather set you up than stand up to his full height and say: "I made a mistake, I'll fix it." Nobody is always right. And to allow yourself to make mistakes and apologize, in fact, means to gain the freedom to be yourself.

Cry only when you are calm.

Try, as far as possible, to express critical remarks only in a calm state. While you are on edge, your husband will take your emotional intensity as an attack, and you will most likely quarrel. If you cool down a little before starting a conversation, then a constructive dialogue is more likely.

How is a personality formed?

A person is like a layer cake. The bottom layer is the basis given to us by nature. It consists of genetics and temperament. Although a genetic predisposition is passed down from parents, it does not define our future. The next layer is the child's early development, his or her traumas and decisions that shape character. Yes, character is indeed formed by traumas, and that's okay (parents can breathe a sigh of relief). And then life gives us numerous events, people, and experiences, and that's the next layer of a cake. It is superimposed on the previous "layers" and the result is a unique, special and inimitable person.

Signs of an emotional abuser.

Check if there are emotional rapists or abusers in your environment, because there is only one salvation from them: run wherever your eyes look. 1. The abuser controls and interrogates. Such a person strives to solve all the main issues and be aware of what, where, when and with whom you did 2. The abuser criticizes all the time. From such a person you will regularly hear that your figure is terrible, you are always dressed wrong, you are raising children incorrectly. 3. The abuser is rude to animals and children. A sign that does not require special comments, because a rude attitude and harsh remarks demonstrate a person’s inner craving for violence.

Is kindness a sign of strength or weakness?

A kind person is truly strong in spirit, since doing good is not as easy as it seems at first glance. The one who is able to put his own interests in the background is a strong person, because each of us can become an egoist, but not each of us can sacrifice our goals for the good of another person. Many writers have tried to answer the question posed at the beginning of the discussion. In their works, they expressed their point of view, which said that kindness is an indicator of strength.

How to love correctly: choose your love language.

First of all, you need to know what love languages ​​are: The words. Such partners need to say pleasant things out loud. Help. For them, action is more important than a thousand words. Present. Another way to the heart. Time. They need full attention. Touch. Hold hands and kiss. How to choose your love language? You need to ask yourself at what moments you feel the strongest love of a partner. Choose the three most pleasant options and ask him to do the same. With a high probability, both of you will be able to decide and use the knowledge gained.

Are you talking to a man right?

What are the most common mistakes women make when communicating with a man? If you guess, share in the comments. Many women incorrectly communicate their thoughts to their husbands, literally showering him with reproaches and demands. The main problem: non-constructive dialogue, when both partners are trying to bend their line! Yes, on the one hand, conflict situations in a couple are the norm, because it is always impossible to coincide in everything. However, the scandal often leads to more problems, rather than to the solution of contentious issues. The woman attacks, the man defends. This is the nature of our psyche. At the same time, the partners try to hurt each other more painfully. Misunderstanding grows, passions run high.

Male manipulation.

The most common male manipulation is considered an unpleasant joke. It is aimed at making a woman feel stupid, awkward. Simply put, her goal is to hurt a woman and bring her to emotions. When the goal is achieved, usually the manipulator shifts the responsibility to the woman and says: “You just don’t understand jokes” or “Yes, you are too sensitive.” From this, the woman begins to feel guilty and feel even worse.

We always reflect the world around us.

If you are mostly surrounded by kind, good, fortunate people, you probably have the same qualities. If you see deception, lying, cheating, then think about: who are you lying to? Perhaps to those around you or perhaps to yourself. That's simple - we can't feel and sense what we don't know. Our perception is our reality and we perceive others accordingly. Do you agree? These processes are actually unconscious. However, if we know how it works, then we realize that it can be changed.

Never give advice

Especially when no one expects you to. A first person's anxiety is caused by six months of insomnia and a lack of vitamins, a second's by the loss of a loved one, a third's is caused by work problems. We are all different. Everyone requires an individual approach. Someone needs a massage to relax, another one needs a workout, while someone else needs to heal from childhood trauma. The calls like "it helped me, so it will help you" do not work. Don't break yourself down, just explore. Every person is inimitable! Every story is unique.

How to conflict.

In order for the conflict to lead to the resolution of situations or problems, and not to parting, we learn how to conflict correctly: 1. Leave the battlefield. If you feel like you're going to explode with emotion, take a time out and set up negotiations with your spouse, for example, after dinner, when the children are put to bed. 2. Remember: you are allies, the problem is the enemy. 3. Discuss with your husband the subject of the conflict. Take turns telling each other how you see the problem. 4. Then share your feelings and thoughts with each other. Do not go over to the personalities “and you”, “and I”. We discuss only the problem and your attitude towards it. 5. Take turns telling each other how you see the ideal solution to the problem. 6. Tell each other what is most important to you in solving the problem, and what is secondary.

Why does the man not want to work?

1. Unfortunate previous work experience. Perhaps the man was not appreciated in the company or there was a quarrel with the boss. Maybe he did not find a common language with colleagues. 2. Laziness. Usually such people never really worked. At first they live at the expense of their parents, then they find a kind and sensitive savior and quickly sit on her neck. 3. Waiting for the weather by the sea. In a similar way, "moping" creative people. It seems to such men that few people will appreciate their talent. Therefore, their task is to wait for the high point. 4. Pessimism and negative attitudes. This is when your spouse continually scolds the government and complains that there is no normal work in our country. 5. Education. If in childhood the parents did not instill in their son a love of work, in adulthood he will certainly be a loafer. As a rule, they are infantile and they are quite satisfied when a woman decides everything.

Partnership: why and what for.

Partnership: why and what for. Well, why do you need a partner? Maybe to make up for something? Then the relationship is DOOMED to disappointment. This is where the proverbial "woman should" and "man should" come from, in other words, the attempts to change, to force, to oblige, to harass and so on. Have you learned to meet your own needs so that you don't make your partner a means for accomplishing your needs and just love her/him unconditionally? Are you able to be self-sufficient and find resources so that you don't exhaust the other? Can you accept the fact that the other also has needs and wants and nevertheless keep in touch with him or her? Maybe it's high time to face yourself, heal your pain, meet your needs, learn to live with yourself in harmony and thus make your relationship warmer, closer, and more peaceful?

The signs of a mature person.

Do you agree that psychological maturity is not determined by one's age? How to recognize an emotionally mature person in yourself? There're a few MAIN signs: — You are responsible for your words and actions. — You never divide people into bad and good. — You have learned to be grateful. — You think first, then you do. — You know how to set your own personal boundaries and respect others. — You can evaluate your actions objectively. I'd like to believe that you match all of these signs. If it's not, then you still have some work to do and if you are reading this post, you are on the right track.

Tactility is the most powerful method of anchoring.

It is best to use it when a man is at the peak of positive emotions with you. For example: shake a man's wrist or pat his shoulder while laughing. If you repeat a similar gesture 10-20 times, then in a conflict situation a man will become softer from his repetition.